A little about me

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Demotte, IN, United States
Abuse doesn't stop at the court room. Melinda has shared her battles in her life and through the court room as she navigates through the legal system Bringing encouragement, insight and empowerment to those that are in a abusive relationship. She is in the process of creating a new life, speaking engagements to "Break the Silence" of abuse, while putting a face to abuse. She is currently working on writing a book about her experiences as a Survivor.View short Bio here- http://www.patheos.com/blogs/ahappymedium/2013/02/notbrokenbutbrave/

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

New campaigns and leaving your abuser

Have you heard of some great programs recently to help Victims?

Service that will move Victims, see story here: 


Also "The Black Dot campaign" When someone shared this on FB I was very excited to hear about it. I did check the internet to find our more info on this organization and found Snopes states it is a false system as many hospital workers and law enforcement are not trained to look for a black dot on a victims hand. Check out the group on FB-https://www.facebook.com/Black-Dot-Campaign-Supporters-838246062962711

I am hope to hear of more activism or info on training our health care workers or law enforcement to recognize this. I reached out to the group Admin to inquire how I could help but received info on purchasing T-shirts. While I am definitely super happy to find out how to bring attention and help others silently get help and I'm not sure I feel comfortable yet supporting this group. I think the vision is awesome! I'll keep watch on this organization. 

So what do you do when you find yourself in this situation of wanting help but not sure where to go?

Or perhaps you have a friend or relative that needs help and you are unsure how to help. Here is a few bits of info!

The National Domestic Violence Hotline-1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) http://www.thehotline.org/

Check with your local shelters in your area. If you are unsure or just feel you can not locate this info safely on your home computer find a friend or relative to help you. I am always happy to help so don't hesitate to email me privately-melindaallen1970@gmail.com.

Check out my other posts on Safety and Checklist for leaving your abuser for information for steps. Document everything that you can, emails, text message, voice mails and keep a journal of these things or to help you cope with your current situation and past. Sometimes when you are going through a dangerous situation you may not be able to see the trees through the forest. The time of separation is "Survival mode", you may be hyper sensitive right now. You may cry, scream, feel elated one minute and the next feel utter despair.

You are in a different situation in comparison to those that are not a victim of abuse. Don't feel defeated if you still consider going back to your partner. Don't feel terrible if you let your partner get to you or hold financial or health issues and he/she will take care of you if you come back. Or state that are will not be able to make it on your own with no money or home to call your own.

You are not a terrible person if you go back. You do have to hit rock bottom before you finally leave for good. "You" are the one that will know when it is time to leave. It may take a week, months or years. I beg you if your children or pets are being hurt to get help ASAP! If you can't leave for you please think of your children or furbabies. 

It was the first hard thing I had to do, the second hardest was to stay away from him. That meant blocking his number, not letting him know where I was, making sure I kept contact when I had to talk with him to a minimum. I didn't get back to him right away,when he called and you know what? It felt pretty dang good I didn't have to jump when he said jump! 

Of course if it's an emergency please make sure you keep record of what the urgency is. Now if someone is in the hospital THAT is an emergency. If your abuser doesn't remember passwords, financial info or how to wipe his/her butt, too bad! Your not responsible. Your job is to stay safe, get help and find sanity during this rough time. 

I'm not going to lie, the next few years are going to be rough. Get counseling if you need to! What worked for me may not work for you. You have to find what makes you comfortable to help heal and get through this roller coaster. 

Being free may mean you get a little wild or want to show up your abuser, staying out partying. Please don't! I'm not saying you can't have fun, but please do so responsibly! Don't advertise your outings so you don't bump into your abuser. Remember safety in numbers. Make sure you always go out with someone trusted or call someone to let them know of your day in case something happens to you.

This is information overload! Take your time and go through my blog and glean what you can. Remember this is not your fault. You will get through it, this takes work and it helps to have a trusted supportive person to bounce situations and information off of. Try not to take offense to the suggestions or advice this person gives you. You are right in the mix of a potentially dangerous situation and you may not be thinking clearly. Step back, breathe, find a safe way to decompress. 

*Pray/Read the Bible- If you have any questions about the Lord or don't have a Bible drop me a line, I would be happy to discuss this with you privately about how good God has been even when I was pushed over the edge.

*Spend time with your kids/furbabies or loved ones.



*Find a hobby that you enjoy

*Get out and hug a tree or ground yourself for at least 20 minutes a day.

*Talk to a friend or professional

*Plan for your future


*Take a hot bath for at least 20 minutes or as long as you can with Epsom salts, essential oils, or herbs, soft music and candles. Don't be afraid to cry during this time. When you pull the drain envision all of your worries and negative emotions going down the drain.

*Try alternative healing- Reiki, Vision Boards, Yoga, Reflexology (Hey I know a great Reflexologist if you are in the NW Indiana area- Me!) 

*Create a Bucket list or think of things you always wanted to do and DO THEM!

*Read a good book

These are just a few things you can do to help you heal and find some normalcy. I hope it helps! 

Stay safe!
God bless,

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

What to expect from a shelter

If you have followed my story from the beginning, you may remember my experience as a guest in a shelter. If not, no worries you can find my experience in older blog entries.

The whole ordeal of leaving an abuser is terrifying, traumatic and down right emotional! You decide to make the jump to leave your abuser and may be unsure where are you going to go?

A hazy view of shelters, as being seedy. A place where only low income women go. Maybe you are intimatdated. Perhaps you think only people with kids are allowed there or you feel just uncertain if it's okay for you. You may have no idea where to find one in your area. All of these thoughts and feelings are normal and understandable!

Abuse effects all ages, races, economic situations, sexes, and religious beliefs. Those men and women that go through the doors of shelters are just as nervous and unsure as you are. Many come with baggage that is not seen from the outside. They come with scars both inside and out. Many have trust issues, lack of confidence, little to no finances, support , no idea what tomorrow is going to bring and some are just bone weary from whatever situation they escaped from. One woman during my stay had been a Guest over 20 times! She hoped she could be strong enough not to go back again.

You will need to call a shelter near you. Most shelters addresses are not listed in the phone book, as not to bring unwanted attention and for safety of it's Guests.

You head to your local government page for your state or city for contact information. Google search, Aspire App that was recently created specifically for victims of abuse, and https://www.domesticshelters.org to name a few.

What happens next is when you are safe, call, a person will take an assessment of your situation, ask if you need or can leave ASAP. If you need a lift most shelters do provide a pick up service if it is safe. If the police have been called advocates can take you under the watchful eye of an Officer. Many shelters host 15 to 40 beds and on average you can stay 30 to 40 days and if you have wee ones of course they can stay as well. An advocate will also let you know whether they have room, which can be equally scary, but in most cases they should be able to coordinate a escape day for you or let you know when they will have a vacancy.

Please don't let that stop you from leaving!

What can you expect once you have become a Guest? This list is just a top of my head list and some shelters may have more programs or less, feel free to ask!

*A caring person to listen or just give you a hug if need be

*Shelter-there maybe a slim chance you have to share a room

*You will be asked birthday, address, medical info, nearest relative, description of your abuser, if you have a Order of Protection, attorney information, a short bit of the abuse. You will also be required to fill out a Safety Plan! I have a copy on this blog of the form given to me during our stay as an example. You will be asked about visitation arrangements if you have children together.

*Legal help

*Crisis intervention


*Support groups

*Case Management

*Children's services


*Help locating housing

*Job searches

*Training for a new career

*Medical help in cases of injury or rape-They can arrange to get you to a hospital

*Some have animal shelters and many do allow for service animals. Let your advocate know!

*Emergency phone- You will have access to dial 911 in case of emergency, it's not a phone for social media or for cruising on the web. It is for emergencies.
You will be responsible for you children

There will be shared Kitchen (Let them know if you need special dietary needs)and common areas

They will have toiletries, sheets/blankets, towels and clothing- During our first visit as a Guest we only had the clothes on our back! They provided us with new underwear, socks, toothbrushes, soaps and shampoos. I just cried at how wonderful the community was to donate total strangers!

You will have a place to do laundry

Most shelters do ask for Guests to contribute by sharing responsibilities of chores
You will be asked not to share too much personal information with other guests for your safety and that of others. Seems extreme but I was so into my own bubble of sadness I really wasn't up to making new friends.

No visitors! Advocates are very concerned over your well being and do not wish to put you or anyone else in harms way.

There maybe a curfew and if you are not back at that curfew they will call Police.

If you need to get anything important from home, as an example, prescriptions, birth certificates, medical cards and so on. . . An Officer can escort your to your home to pick up these items. It's not a time to bring everything with you. Just small important things.

This is just a brief bit of information. Programs and assistance may vary for how in depth or detailed the shelter can help you. It's not a handout. It's not something to take advantage. It's for you to get back on your feet, to help you realize you are AMAZING and DESERVE not to be hurt anymore!

When you walk through those doors you find a place that is homey, safe and bright. Advocates at these facilities are caring, genuine and have seen every sort of scenario! They have been through intense training in order to equip them with knowledge to help you through your situation.

This is just a small peek into a shelter.  I encourage you to check into these services. It is humbling to ask for help, but I have to tell you, I found encouragement, others like me and hope for a new beginning.

I'm proud of you Dear Blog reader! No matter where you are on your journey please know you are not alone. And if you know someone that is in an abusive situation share this blog with them. My own story is found in the Labels and also share Safety/Safety plan, and Check list for leaving your abuser, to encourage and inspire hope of a normal life. There is normalcy after abuse. It takes time to get there and lots of tears but it's worth it.

BIG HUGS and stay safe!

Monday, July 13, 2015

I hit him too!

I cowered in the corner. Trying my best not to cry and feeling totally helpless and desparate not to get hurt again like I had in the past. His shouting and arguing had led me to this familiar corner of the room. I felt like a animal ready for the slaughter. My stomach hurt. I couldn't catch my breath but couldn't let on that I was feeling as frightened as I already outwardly was.

He stood above me with a coy dark smile. His face was cloudy but filled with rage. His fist clenched so hard I swore his knuckles would pop out of his skin.

My mind jumbled for some sort good reason to appease him as to why I failed to make some calls about bills. I forgot is not good enough. I ran out of time is not good either. I had no good, valid reason. I hurridly went about my day like normal, rushing about like a squirrel in traffic, trying to make sure I store my nuts before the winter.

Oh that's how everyday felt. Like I was rushing about with a list of things that numbered from a unrealistic checklist of people, place and things to do. I usually did everything by the skin of my teeth. But not that day.

I managed to squeak out that I was sorry and it wouldn't happen again. His face changed into a gentle smile and he offered a hand up. I felt a rush of relief! YEA!

After helping me up, he takes me and shoves me so faster then I had time to register what happened and I'm falling backwards into the wall behind me. I let out a sigh as I went down. My teeth had clenched together from the impact. My head hurt and arms felt bruised.

He stomped away in a huff, muttering under his breath. I stayed there like a rag doll for what seemed like forever, in actuality it was a few minutes. I rose slowly, ever so carefully. My head felt like it was filled with cotton. From behind me I heard quick steps rushing towards me. I felt a adreniline and turned around with such force my back cracked. I turned fast enough to see him coming at me with the cold stare of hate etched on it. His intention was to do further battle.

He started screaming that I was lazy and good for nothing, along with some obsenities I was used to. I felt wobbly, still shook up from the incident just a bit before. I raised my arms to protect myself while he sneered with a fist in mid air, somehow I grew a set of man parts and stopped his hand and punched him in the stomach! He looked stunned!

"You hit me, Mel! I didn't hit you! I was just coming to see if you were okay after you fell!"

Huh?! What?!

I yelled back that I was protecting myself!

He spoke softly and said, "Mel, you really need to get help before you hurt one of the me or one of the kids! I'll let this go but we need to talk to the doctor about meds for you. Or perhaps a Psych eval."

"I think you need to rethink who is abusive in this family. I have was protecting myself from you Mel. I saw you look wild and that's why my hands were up because I wasn't sure what you were going to do to me."

I was stunned, pumped up with SheMomma emotions! I felt both stupid and angry at him and myself. At the same time I knew what he was doing. He had a habit of doing or saying things to make me feel like I was nuts. Truth is I thought I was losing it.

There was a time, I believed if I fought back I was to blame for the abuse as much as he was. He would bark he would call the police on me and take the kids. I would never see them again.
But I very rarely hit back. I usually just took whatever crap he hit me with. It wasn't until much later I realized I was not crazy. I was not abusive and he was twisted. I was defending myself from a potentially heated situation. I never struck my children out of anger or abused them as my ex had. He rationalized all of his reactions to situations with some sort funky spin to make me the bad guy or he always has someone else be the scapegoat. Never fully taking responsiblity for his actions.

So Dear one, if you are trapped in a situation that sounds similar, please know you are not alone. Contact a trusted friend or relative, shelter or even the Police to get help. Don't hide in the darkness any longer. It is scary to leave an abusive situation. I'm not going to sugar coat it. But you will be in a much better place once you have left.

Please view my other posts on "Safety". Check into the "Aspire" app created by Dr. Phil's wife, which looks like a regular news feed but secretly has info to get help locally.

Prayers and hugs for you!

Monday, June 8, 2015

Where do you go now that you have left?

Planning stages or even looking into leaving your abuser can be a hot mess. He/She may monitor your every move via the web or check your phone history. What's a person to do? 

Dr's Phil's wife, Robin and a team have created an app that looks like a regular news story app, but ingeniously if you need to find a place to go in an emergency, it will provide the nearest place to go to for help or provide a number for you! 

Most abusers keep a close eye on his/her victims, causing the victim to feel stuck in reaching out for help. 

This app sounds like a great resource! I haven't checked it out personally but plan on it. 

If you are still not sure you wish to go that route. Go to http://www.thehotline.org for assistance! It's confidential. 

Please be mindful at all times of your cell and computer history! Or use a trusted friends or go to your local library! 

Making the decision to leave is a BIG STEP! Be safe and be careful! Let a trusted friend or family member about your plans. Find your local shelter using the Aspire app or the old fashioned way of a phone book. A representative can do what they can to help you stay as a guest at their facility. Don't wait!

Stay safe!


Monday, May 25, 2015

Invasion of Privacy!

The recent events of email messages from my ex and supposedly rocked my bubble of bliss. Don't misunderstand me, I'm on guard but sometimes I admit, I get relaxed. I also had a friend request from someone and thought the name sounded familiar, so I accepted.

Overnight the person had started friending about 25+ friends and probably more that I am unaware of. Who friends other people like that? It was weird because it was family and random people.

Concerned? Yes! Here I blog about safety and DUH! I didn't follow my own pearly wisdom. I'm still kicking myself. I am pretty sure it was my ex as well. I'm so paranoid, I guess he won those last few. I let him get to me. In my head that is, causing me to twitch, doubt, check and double check my surroundings, windows in the house, the door locks and car.

I had received notice that due to the emails my ex will have be charged with "Invasion of Privacy" ! From what I have read, he could be fined up to $5,000 and it is punishable with up to 1 year in jail. He could take a plea agreement but unsure what that will entail. I just want to be left alone.

What of our Son? Still in the back of my mind I hold onto hope that someday he will come around. I keep him wrapped in prayer. I hope if some sort of jail time is thrown down to my ex, that my Son does not hate me more.

Well, Dear Blog reader, see I do manage to make a mess of things from time to time.  My old insecurities have reared it's ugly head. I can't help but ask myself, what is up with this? I need to remind myself of my mantras-

I am a child of God
I am safe
I am loved
I am...

During the last few email events, Terry and I talked about the situation. He knows me well enough to know when something is not quite right. I just started babbling that I wanted just to be left alone, that I was tired of this and wanted to leave. (AH! Maybe there is "some truth" to my ex's email about running away).

He suggested I use another email or block him. Court papers state I need to have at least email correspondence for EMERGENCY purposes. I just whined that I didn't want to give up my email address. I pouted a bit too. I almost stomped my feet, well I thought about it.

I fidgeted a bit with my hands and could feel panic setting into my chest, he just took me gently and reminded me that I'm safe and he understands. We decided to just forward any crap from Rob to him and he would deal with it.

I guess I'm my own worst enemy. Or perhaps I am still hoping of some sort of sanity to come out of my ex. Some sort of clarity or "Hey Mel, I'm an total jerk and I'm getting help" kind of message from him. Though I have heard it all before. I am envious of those that have ex's that can maintain a relationship with them and share custody. Sounds weird I know! Of course that won't happen. This goes back to can an abuser change question...

So, Dear Blog reader, wherever you are in your journey please know there is no playbook or perfect way to live or recover from abuse.

There is wisdom in learning from past experiences or from others. There is no shame in asking others for help or going to a shelter. There is things you can do to stay safe and trust me you may stumble or fall from time to time but dust yourself off and stand on your feet. You can do it! I believe in you! If you are in a abusive situation please know you can break free. Reach out to a trusted friend or call your local shelter. View my other posts on "Safety lists" or "Safety".

Stay safe and God bless you!


Monday, May 11, 2015

Remember crazy?

mentally deranged, especially as manifested in a wild or aggressive way.

"Stella went crazy and assaulted a visitor"

mad, insane, out of one's mind, deranged, demented, not in one's right mind, crazed,lunatic, non compos mentis, unhinged, mad as a hatter, mad as a March hare

I admit that I love my new life! I enjoy the bubble of bliss of normalcy. The great feeling I get when I know it's time to get home at the end of a work day, because I know I'm going home to a place I love to go, it's my sanctuary, safe place and my favorite people are here. My Husband, Terry, our Daughters and Son, of course we have the fur babies and feather friends!

Unlike times past, sometimes my past comes up to nibble at my heels, whether memories, a email or text from my ex or eldest Son. Those nibbles hauntingly remind me of how unnatural and unsettling my relationship with in my first marriage. So today was no surprise when I received an email from my ex. The thing is I have an Order of Protection. He doesn't care and does what he wishes. It kind of creeped me out about it, especially that he still loves me and admits to stalking me. The things mentioned in the email are by so far out that I had to shake my head and actually laugh, though the March Hare seems fitting, I by no means make fun at the serious subject of abuse.

I shared with Terry, friends and family on FB, the responses I had received were supportive and shock at the interesting message. I'm sharing it here to bring light to abuse, to share that even though it is "6 years" later my abuser has not moved on, despite him having a Lady he is seeing, he is still not done with us.

Keep my family and I wrapped in prayer and also if you are in a abusive situation please get help! It's not easy to leave and many abusers still attempt to control, abuse and contact victims and survivors. I am going public with all of it! I'm coming out of the shadows of abuse to help others know they are not alone.

God bless~

Here is the email from today. Nothing has been edited or changed:

 Did you get a chance to look at the link i sent you? Do you believe in what it is saying? How about  the end of the 4th blood moon?I must say that I don't think entire destruction will come to America,and a lot of it could be metaphoric, but I do believe that we will not be the country where we once were. as the Bible says,, we will be no more.   As for being a super power.  America is no longer a super power now, and it will get less and less. We are already a Muslim country. The WH is Muslim our security is Muslim. Obama is the Assyrian King. He is doing exactly what he did to bring in the Babylon's. God is going to fight His enemies in His Land. We might be raptured before they completely destroy America. And if we don't the dead will rise first than the living Christians. We still get raptured. The Christians that are being killed right now , their blood cries to The Lord for revenge asking Him to open the seals. It will be soon very soon. Things will happen faster after the sept 28th blood moon. Leaving Obama 18 months left of his term. Even Satan himself knows his time is short. Satan is pissed off. Hitler will look like a Choir boy. Jesus will rapture us before Satan is revealed to the world. It could be Obama or someone from Turkey.

With all this i have decided for the light over darkness. I give you and Terry my forgiveness. That is good news for you up to this point. However i have done much studying on this.where i have grounds for divorce because of your adultery, you do not.so every day you are with him, every time you make love,every day you are away from me. is what some people call ongoing sin. as for how that can be fixed I either have to forgive you each day which I simply just probably will not remember to do. Or you have to fix the problem,and be completely repentive. and where I do not expect you to admit what you have done,or to leave him for me,, to fix the problem, because simply fixing the problem will be to devastating on your abilities.

however reading all that I have read,I dunno or rather can't bring myself to forgive you for what our children are going through. and from what I have been told and from what I have read I do not have to. as is I constantly worried about  our son . He has a hatred for you and Terry that is the darkest hatred i have ever seen. I have literally talked myself horse trying to restore his peace. Trying to get him to forgive you. I would say that the only way to get rid of the darkness that has taken root in are sons soul is for us to come back together. But although i still believe this will happen, I simply can't imagine how, and to be honest the two years before you left where hell..could not understand your relentless drive to force us apart.For sure your not the Christian woman i thought you where..but then again Satan will attack families relentlessly near the end of time . I know a lot of problems matt has with you is you keeping the girls away ..Melinda. .you need to be the one who gives in..the girls need to know us. The only reason I can see for you keeping them away is the fact that when they do come we will learn things that would land you in jail .or worse. .If you haven't mistreated our daughters and you are truly blessed and with god then you should have nothing to fear .

Melinda, If your not in control? Then get word to me .you may have made a decision to live as a slave but are girls did not..we have email from the girls telling how communication is not possible because Terry will not like it...Melinda this is ''''KIDNAPPING'''' Never once should the kids ever feel that they can't call or see us,and yet this is what is happening.
You do realize dont you that this behavior is unforgivable in gods eyes?

Melinda, i still know you.I found you when you ran away at 16 and your still running. I know and saw the loving eyes and heart you have for our kids.I saw you protect our babies. Feed them close to your breast.watch them till the we hours  when they where sick. Where is that Melinda? Is she gone? Why?because i mistreated you? That makes no sense. I am sorry i hit you when you broke the table. That is the only time i remember us getting into a fight that was not provoked. I wish i didn't, but i did. But that doesn't justify your affairs or why you have so much anger. I was hurt thousands of times worse,and i still love my wife.Please don't miss identify your shame for committing adultery, or your disire to look as though you are saving our kids rather then uprooting them for the purpose of covering up your own digressions . The anger and worried felling you feel is not from me .it is from your own actions.
I learned a lot being away from you..I know why i could never let go of the time i found you in the car with that guy from goldblats...you did have an affair, you even admit it to me later, but you left out that you got pregnant from him,hence the reason you did not want to tell your mom..I never saw it,even then you had my total love,and you where unfaithful then. ,,your mom told me the story. ...

I guess i knew down deep..

And then with wanting to be with woman, it was only a matter of time before we slipped into more negative behavior. I should have stopped it in the beginning. I trying when i threw cat out.i tryed to prove my blind love for you.i was to scared to order you around as Terry does to you now. I knew something was going on in the back of my mind .that is why i started with wanting to know where you are more and more..your reaction to this was horrendous.All of a sudden it was one more thing i was guilty of. What it really was ,was a reaction from you because i got to close to the truth about you and Terry. .and before you go trying to correct me about the time table between you and Terry. ..he is arrogant, and told me you had been seeing him since before sue and you broke up,he also told me that you where pregnant once before with him but you refused to have it and did not want to leave me...maybe he is lying to me,but i remember a time that i had even said to you i thought you where pregnant.

I understand you wanting to run away rather than face it all.but now that i know ..why do you still run??
I think you miss judge my ability to love,to forgive, and to enjoy life..I will admit, after you left and initial pain was less ,i did enjoy life more.I found an overwhelming peace, and truths. Some i serched for but some like what Terry told me i could have done without, but it did help me to understand how much you might have been trying to hide. It is all this that keeps you scared.

I once watched you at the court house. For a half hour you and Terry stood buy the windows, and for the whole time he talked and you nodded your head yes..You are being brain washed. I found an interesting insight to this in your emails and postings on Facebook when you tryed to convince the world and yourself that i was the one doing this to matt. That that was the only reason matt would turn against you..lol..the funny thing is i was not trying to point fingers at you at this time .i was just trying to figure out why you went against matt.lol  But i can see now it was Terry pulling the strings, and since he had been brain washing you for years he decided that it seemed doable and that is why you started with all that crap..
the main reason matt is like he is is simply your husband, ,boyfriend at the time pointed a gun at our son ,and you choose Terry over him.

And Terry brain washing you is about the only thing that makes sense when it comes to the 2 years of you coming to me and saying ,,i dont want to be with you,,with anybody, i just want to be alone. .please let me go......only to come back to me in 2 days or the next day and say ..i love you, i really do,and i want are marriage to work..you did this every week..so either you did this on purpose as a plan between you and Terry to metaly destroy me,or your subconscious was fighting what he was telling you. Which is kidnapping.

I go into all this for a reason. .you are now being watched and controlled 1000 times worse then you where with me.and our girls are as well. Melinda, you need to let the girls go.you need to stop using the kids as a link to your last remaining salvation. .i know you see them as a tool....as long as they are with me my actions are justified. Everyone will continue to believe me ,and pity me ,and give me praise for survival. FYI i will say that more than a dozen of your friends have told me your fake.and have urged me to take you to court. I believe that god will lead.. i am praying that god gets threw to you and you let the girls go..i already know your secrets and the rest i just dont care..but i still love you..so i guess Terry with all his plans still did not succeed.

I do thank god for removing you from my life .you where killing me and dragging me down to hell with you. He saved me from that path..but so you know i stand hear with the light on waiting for  gods time to honor his promise to me,and restore my family for his glory.

But know matter what happens between us..this should not be pushed on are kids. .Melinda as their father, i am begging you to realize your mistakes and let them come into my life..if they decide to not come back to you or you find the cops at your door after they talk about what's going on ,,dont see it as an attack, see it as gods way of setting things right..and if that part is BS and they are fine ?then what do you have to fear? Either way it would be god setting things right. so many people that have come to know the real me ,including mutual friends have started asking ,,,what are they doing to the girls that they are afraid to let them stay with dad for the weekend, or hang out with matt.
Melinda i am pleading to their mother. Please don't use them anymore.

And if i made errors in spelling or grammar. .i apologize ,not really my forte.

Friday, April 24, 2015

Be still. . .

From the time I was little, I wanted peace, love and comfort. Someone that would love me. I prayed to the Lord and questioned His love for me, feeling lost, afraid and hopeless at times. As the years passed and we had escaped my stepfather, life seemed to slip into a surreal normalcy. I was worried that if I blinked it would go away. 

Then I met my abuser. He was a bit different. Things spun out of control and what was normal went Topsy turvy. I felt as though I was suffocating, I felt stuck, and lonely. I feared leaving. I feared moving on. I feared the unknown of how I was going to make it and later how I would make it with 3 kids? 

It hasn't been easy or a cake walk. As I have mentioned on numerous times, I still have concerns for our safety. The years of feeling like I was walking on a tightrope have all but vanished. 

I still have memories, I still have triggers, I still have nightmares and I still sleep with the night light on. I also still have the unwelcome present of HSV2. That little gift serves as a reminder of a rather dark and bleak time that I would rather forget. But forgetting that time would be hasty. That time brought 3 beautiful kids into my life. I still pray that someday I will have a safe and healthy relationship with my eldest Son that is now 19 years old and I have not seen him since the latter part of 2010, after a scary incident involving a "Supervised visit" with our abuser in which the police were called due to an altercation between my ex and his Mom and Dad. He also threatened to slit my daughters throats if I was awarded custody of my girls. Likely, his threats were not taken lightly by the court and I was given custody of our girls and future visits were at Children's Treehouse. Of course that ended badly, but that is an older blog post. 

The old adage, "What doesn't kill you makes your stronger" Irked me and still kind of does. I don't feel any stronger than before. Conflict and argument's still send me into a panic and I can feel myself turn into a "Shrinking Violet", quite literally. 

I am annoyed that though it has been well over 6 years, my ex still hunts for us. Sound weird? Is it in my mind? No, he asks for us. He was sending me messages since we left in 2009 about his love for me, how we will be together someday, that "he forgives me" for everything and that he is a changed man. All of this nonsense is not reality. The reality of the situation is that he needs help. I've looked into prosecuting him for molesting our daughter but that ended up with a brick wall, legally where we reside too much time has elapsed and there is not a darn thing we can do.

I would be a fibber if I didn't say I wanted to get revenge. I still feel strongly about the situation of course for what that monster did. I was amazed at my Daughters bravery once she was free of the "secret" she had been keeping for years. And how she is choosing to forgive him and asked the Lord to help her do so. 

We still have our quirks and we try to help one another get through these. It's not easy. There are times of heated discussions, tears and regret as all of us in this household attempt to navigate through old wounds, of course the dreaded teenage hormones and my premenopause. God love Terry! His patience sometimes gets the better of him. I know we needed a strong person to help us through. God blessed us with that.

I don't know where you are in your journey but do me a favor. Be still for a moment. Wherever you are, stop what you are doing and just be still. What do you hear? Kids bickering? Traffic in your area? TV or radio on? No matter, take moments out of your day to just be still. Leave the camera off or the video option off and just soak in what is around you.                                                                      

After a crazy day at home or work, I have moments of clarity and splendor of how my life is today. I prayed for the life I have many, many years ago. It can be hard when your caught up in the moment to remember the simple blessings that are around you day to day. Such as, birds chirping, lightly tinkling wind chimes,the wind rustling through the trees, frogs and crickets chattering with one another. The sounds of laughter that seem infectious in our home. These sounds seem simple enough right?

There were times where I shut out the world, feeling lost in spirit and physically, while I closed my eyes and mind to some rough situations. I wanted to be someone else, I slowly stopped feeling, oh don't get me wrong, I always felt a wave of emotion when it came to my kids. Call me Momma Bear or fierce when it is needed! I did this to shut off the nasty words or sights I was seeing. I closed off to stop being hurt and to stop hurting.

Recent trip to Michigan City, IN- Washington Park zoo!

Where am I? I was taking the picture! I am getting a wee bit on the fluffy side since all I do is sit at work so I haven't been putting my mug in pictures too much. 

Once you are out of the abusive situation for a number of years there is clarity and to some degree I have understanding about how and why I did what I did and for how long I put up with what I did. I want you to know, Dear Blog reader that you will get through the rough parts, it will take time and there will be times when it seems like time stands still, with no end in sight of painful memories or legally. When this happens take a moment, be still, inhale all the good stuff and exhale all the bad thoughts, memories and pain. Do this for a few moments daily and let me know how it helps!

I know God's not done with me yet. I know He has never left my side and has sprinkled some amazing people and experiences in my life that I never imagined! Our bus project is going well. Terry found someone that will help show him how to weld the floor of the bus so he can then put in a floor and work on the build out of our "future" home. I'm counting the days until we launch and we all can not wait for whatever the good Lord has planned for us.

We hope to take part in helping any farmers/farm communities that need a hand and also to learn as well! Terry is a handyman/IT professional with a marvelous green thumb. We have both jumped into our mini farm with both feet after years of wondering and reading out of books we have tackled Beekeeping, raising Chicken/Ducks/Guinea Fowl/Rabbits, aquaponics (briefly more Terry's thing), forging in the yard for edibles, learning survival techniques, making our own soaps, salves, lotions and miscellaneous concoctions (some good and some bad-eg. my Dandelion wine didn't turn out so good). I am continuing to learn more about energy healing, Reflexology, Homeopathic medicines, Herbal medicine, Birth Doula and using essential oils. We hope to utilize our skills and help where needed, potentially for disaster relief or just healing someone that needs to share and talk.

I hope to meet some of the wonderful Survivors and Mom's of victims that I have come to exchange messages with over the past several years and I hope to inspire someone trapped in a abusive situation that they can find freedom, safety and a reason to live.

I'll quite ranting for a bit. If you need to talk feel free to reach me on FB-Melinda Kunst. I have several profiles- One is for my Reflexology page- Melinda Kunst (Healing Hearts), and just Melinda Kunst or at my email that I check regularly at blessmeplz@gmail.com

Stay safe and strong!